Love is a Bitch!
She appears when least expected
Intent on mischief, beguiling fools
With sweet charm
Quickened hearts pound
To heal life’s scars
Comfort the empty Soul
With Love’s soothing balm
Oh Wicked Love!
A mirage to the Soul
Leaving only tears and broken hearts
Where once her warm presence lingered.
And I Did! On 28 July my bride and I walked down the aisle and consummated in Spirit, what had already been consummated in the flesh. We were married. In hindsight, the journey from resolve (in April) to exchanging vows (in July), was short and painless. Once I had made the choice, it became a fixture on my life path as certain as my next birthday.
The real challenge for me was financial. How to fund an elaborate, out of town weekend wedding, in such a short period of time. I was determined not to go into debt. But I was also determined to get married. There was much pressure from friends and family to “just get married in Court”, but I wanted to give my Slinky a wedding she would never forget. One I would never forget. And so the Universe conspired to make it so. Counter-intuitively, I began to give money away. I began to sponsor a community Church from my childhood days, supported other people in their needs, and determined that mine would be as easily met. And they were. The clients came, the work rolled in, and I have had more work to deal with than I could handle (but I did). I have set new standards for myself in work throughput, but more importantly, in manifesting that which is good and desirable into my life. Into our lives. Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. Today that door is wide open.
Surprisingly, the Vows make a difference. Being married feels different. There is a solemnity about making such deep promises to one other human being. I can imagine no greater sadness than to fail to live up to those vows. Seeing her walk down that aisle towards me – radiant like the brightest star on a moonless night – I felt complete. Accomplished. Something magical was happening to me. I was being transfigured into something new. A part of me was dying, but I willingly shed that solitary, single self to become a Husband to my bride.
A new Adventure begins.
Our superb photographer: Rinus Viljoen https://www.facebook.com/rinustgf
Wedding Venue: www.verlorenkloof.co.za
Never say never. Or perhaps, DO say never. DO reject, cast out and abandon. it is amazing how taking a stand, even if it is the wrong stand, helps to focus the mind. “I will never get married again” I said. But what I was really saying was “I don’t ever want to be hurt like that again”. After deep thought and deliberation about moving forward in my relationship, I had decided that marriage was not for me. Little children were not for me. And that was that. But something interesting happened. “What was next?” I wondered. If I was not to marry, how could I ask … expect …. her to stay? Beyond the defiance, there was a part of me that really wanted her to stay. But it was hidden. Buried underneath bravado, anger at my own past, resolve never to be vulnerable. And yet being vulnerable, I have discovered, is the only true path to love. We cannot love unless we make ourselves vulnerable. We cannot receive love, unless we tear down the walls that keep us safe. There can only be true love when we are naked inside, exposed. To love and be loved, truly and without reserve, we cannot make ourselves safe. No, our other makes us safe. The irony is that love lives in the same place as fear, but love overcomes fear. Love is the opposite of fear. And in my defiance, my emphatic NO! , I had closed the door to love. to being loved. In separating myself from what I had, I was able to find what I always wanted, right in front of me.
This love is very different. There is not that hovering fear of not being “good enough”. No uneasy suspicion that perhaps, just perhaps, there may be another, waiting to be met. Some other to sweep me away, or sweep my other way. No. Rather there is a resoluteness, a “matter of factness” that this is as it should be. It just is. I am.
And so, with new clarity about what it means to love, I have committed to a date. The 28th July 2012.
A venue: http://www.verlorenkloof.co.za.
And a bride, my Slinky.